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| Me in the center with my sisters. |
Some of you may not know, but besides a quilt pattern designer and quilt shop owner, I am also a diagnostician and work in the public schools. I was a special education teacher before that. It is a career I found after raising my own kids, but the seeds were there from the beginning.
I was a strange kid. My mom would disagree but she has often said, "Well, yes, you saw things differently." I was literal, loved math and science, and could not tolerate people who broke the rules. I had a sense of fairness that when challenged frustrated me. I know because these are the memories from childhood I remember the most. I preferred to not socialize and would rather learn to do things or about things. A true introvert. I would easily withdraw from others if their behavior or words were offensive to my ideals - children and adults. I wanted to please and be smart. Yes, a weird kid.
I observed my dad and his quiet way of disciplining my sister. He would ask her to do something to which she would refuse, for example, sharing the last danish. He advised, it is better to share with your sister. She refused again. He then said, "Alright, you may regret not sharing in the future," and walked away. She was happy, she didn't have to share anything. I was mad, but also intrigued. I knew how my dad worked, and I learned a great deal from it. Later that day, my dad called me into the living room to share some special treat with him. Quickly, my sister followed and asked to have some as well. My dad said no and reminded her that she had not shared earlier. Nothing more was said. It was enough. This type of consequence based lesson was repeated often, I knew this was the best way. No yelling. No spanking. It was natural consequences to learn lessons early, to avoid them in adulthood. I used this often with my own children. When I would say, "Okay, we'll see about that" shrug, and walk away. The boys would follow and say, "No, no, no!" knowing later consequences may not be what they planned. I learned to not give up, hold demands, and do it with love. I was a stubborn kid, but a thinking kid. My oldest was a strong willed kid as well. I have a feeling my dad was too.
Why say all this? It will help explain why the two most memorable movie scenes from my childhood. They sparked me to help and teach children which was my desire as a mom and eventually a teacher. My work in special education was hard, most of it being in the self-contained classroom. I said my passion was to teach the unteachable and love the unlovable. I worked with behavior students, students with severe disabilities, and autism. It was mentally and physically demanding, but often rewarding.
Okay, now to the first. An old Elvis movie called Change of Habit. The premise is out there - Mary Tyler Moore (another one of my favorites as a kid) played a nun and Elvis a doctor. Elvis uses a technique called rage reduction with a girl with autism. Watching I too wanted to help this little girl. I appreciated Mary Tyler Moore's techniques, but was mesmerized by Elvis holding the child until she calmed. It was my favorite part of the movie.
Here is the link to the video I found:
source: https://www.facebook.com/reel/1684760042229255
The other was from The Miracle Worker, the dining room scene. The ability to work through the rage and be consistent was not lost on me. I knew I could be that teacher. Nothing was ever done in anger. It was done in persistence to the lesson.
source: https://youtu.be/Dvq5aQr1eh0?si=aqnY0mzKmI6HRUjV
I have been hit, bitten, punched, hair pulled, and hospitalized. But more than that, I have made true connections to my students through trust and relationships. Holding high expectations and following through with consequences. My students never felt tricked or misled. We got to the heart of the issue and through love, trial, and teaching found ways to grow. I see things through their eyes. I want to understand their perspective. It is the only way I am able to create the lesson and redirect anger and frustration. I understand where they have been and why they act out. We validate our feelings, but do not excuse outward harm to others. We get to the source and work on the skills to improve. I hope someday there is a student who can recall a lesson I gave or how I helped them understand themselves.
A few honorable mentions. I can't speak about my teaching style without Lean On Me and Stand and Deliver. These of course came out when I was an adult so my love of them is more about the dedication to students and learning and not the sparks planted in childhood. Still a good watch and we quote them all the time in our home.
